Football Page 1539 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Dennis Dixon Has Balls of Uranium
So it's official, Dennis Dixon tore his ACL ... two weeks ago. So that first quarter touchdown run on Thursday night just went from awesome to unbefuckinglievable....

Everybody Keep Piling On Notre Dame!
As we come to the final death spasms of the glory/hideousness of the Notre Dame season, we stop to do a brief dance on the Irish grave. How bad has it become? Freaking Duke thinks it has a chance to win in South Bend this weekend....

Not A Good Night To Be A Duck
With everything else going on and dominating those sports pages of ours, it almost passed notice that the BCS race imploded again last night with Oregon's loss to Arizona. It also obliterated Dennis Dixon's Heisman chances; he's not likely to play the rest of the season. All told, a rather eventful ...

MNF Used To Keep Prisoners In Line. Really.
When "Monday Night Football" made its move from ABC to ESPN two years ago, we argued that it wasn't really a big deal at all; the notion of cable as "pay TV," something that few can watch, seemed archaic. Jeez, who doesn't have cable anymore? Well, here's something we hadn't considered: Prisons....

Hmm, Who Would Win A Fight Between Herschel And Spurrier?
There's not much more ironically amusing than Steve Spurrier lecturing someone else on sportsmanship, but he's been going after Georgia recently for their big touchdown-pile-on a few weeks ago. He said he'd have sent in a third-string Gamecock to start a fight, therefore getting a bunch of Bulldogs ...

The Buckeyes And Wolverines Are Still Playing This Weekend
This year's Ohio State-Michigan game, thanks to Illinois' win last week (woo!) and the lack of a legendary coach dying right beforehand, doesn't quite have the inherent drama of last year's. But it's still freaking Ohio State-Michigan....

Packers Bong Guy Keeps Putting Lotion In The Basket
You may remember the not-at-all-creepy fellow who celebrated Brett Favre's 420th touchdown in the only appropriate fashion. Well, he has a new hit video, in honor of the Packers' shellacking of the Vikings last week....

Your Night Out With Brady Quinn
What could be a more attractive way to spend early 2008 that a Dance Revolution Party with Brady Quinn? You could have that chance!...

The Texans Bring You Deep Inside The Game
Say what you will about the Houston Texans organization, but they know how to sell their Web site. As End Zone Buzz discovered, the official Texans cheerleader page has some, uh, interesting Web innovations....

During The Lambeau Leap, Watch Your Nuts
You know, it was inevitable that this would happen at some point: During a Lambeau Leap, some fan grabbed wide receiver Ruvell Martin's crotch. That's just over the top....

This Week In The SSW
For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on...

Somebody Put The 49ers Out Of Their Misery
It seems kind of crazy, in retrospect, that anyone could have thought the 49ers were going to make some sort of leap this year. (Some idiots even picked them to win the division.) The biggest disappointment is that Mike Nolan is now looking so damned sharp for no good reason. What happened to these ...

The Dullest MNF Game Of Them All
It's not easy to come up with reasons to get excited about tonight's Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and the San Francisco 49ers. We've been trying....

A Productive Way To Expend Your Rooting Energy
Dan Steinberg of DC Sports Bog waded into the morass that is the scene outside a Redskins-Eagles game ... and somehow lived to tell the tale....

Dick Nolan, Rest In Peace
Before Ronnie Lott and Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, there was a plucky band of guys in shiny gold pants with names like John Brodie, Gene Washington and Cedrick Hardman. Many don't remember that it wasn't Bill Walsh who put the San Francisco 49ers on the map; it was Dick Nolan. He was the first coach...

We Suspect The Pats Have Videotape Of The Incident
How do you know the Patriots are having a breakthrough, historic, crossover season? It's not just that they're undefeated; they now have their own crazy stalker lady....

The NFC Is Delicious And Nutritional
The Mighty MJD's Smorgasbord runs every Monday. Do enjoy....

The Gripping Ravens Quarterback Controversy
Say what you will about how bad Steve McNair has been this year … but it sure beats Kyle Boller. For Ravens fans, we can't imagine how depressing this sideline cutaway must be....

What's NOT The Matter With Kansas?
Dan Shanoff writes a weekly college football column for Deadspin. Email him to let him know what you think....