Football Page 1719 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
No Better Reason To Get In A Bar Fight Than This One
This pasty fellow, described by Every Day Should Be Saturday as "so aggressively white that bleach is afraid of him," is South Carolina quarterback Blake Mitchell, who was arrested after a bar fight early Wednesday morning....
Unfortunately, It Appears Emmitt's Going To Be On This Show For A While
Last night, Emmitt Smith continued his inevitable decline into post-athlete career depression by "shining" on "Dancing With The Stars," impressing the judges with his ... aw, jeez, we can't even type this without feeling bad about ourselves and everything about sports....
It's Like Tonya Harding, But Less Manly
It must be frustrating to be a backup punter. Most football players don't even consider the starting punter a real part of the team; the backup punter might as well be the waterboy. It must cause all kinds of anger and frustration, but you're a punter, so you can't express it. Lots of repressed rage...
Chad Johnson Is A Chicken Dance Maestro
As many have pointed out before, the vast majority of hardcore NFL fans have never attended an actual game in person. Factors include the rarity of games, the high ticket expense and the fear that someone in a dog mask will steal your wheelchair....
Everybody Needs Some Tailgating Backup
We know those who use wheelchairs are capable of doing just about anything that those who can stand and walk can do; we suspect some of you are doing that very thing right now. Unless you're trying to get to the upper deck of RFK Stadium, nothing should stand in your way as a sports fan....
Failure To Launch
In these troubled times in which we live, we believe that it's good to feed the soul occasionally with some inspiring words from a true American. Such a man is Texas Longhorns fan and sometimes actor Matthew McConaughey. Let us never forget his fiery speech from last week, leading up to the Texas-Oh...
Hey, Let's Play Two Every Monday!
While we acknowledge that the "Monday Night Football" crew might still have some bugs to iron out, as evidenced by this inventive description of new Vikings offensive lineman Steve Hutchinson, on the whole, it was a pretty smooth night of football, considering it went for almost seven hours....
Kornheiser, You're Being Glib
We mean no offense to Redskins fans, but when your owner is hosting Tom Cruise in his luxury box — when he's staying at your owner's house — we kind of think that maybe you deserve to lose....
Monday Night And Tuesday Morning Football
You know, we watched football all day yesterday, and it absolutely wore us out. As great as it is, that's a lot of football. But imagine that actually starting at night....
When Male Cheerleaders Attack
We'd like to congratulate THE Ohio State University for their convincing victory over Texas on Saturday night. We are also pleased that the Buckeyes waited until 2006 to beat the Longhorns, rather than 2005; last year's game was in Columbus, this one was in Austin and that meant all fires and riot...
Perhaps Fergie Can Return Punts
They opened up the Pink Taco yesterday ... and the Black Eyed Peas welcomed a new member....
Mess With The Catman, Get The Claws
If we've said it once, we've said it a million times; when football broadcasters are allowed to attempt humor — especially at Fox Sports — it's all of us who suffer. Coming out OK in the end, though, was Carolina superfan Greg Good, known to all as Catman. Let's wrap up the details for you once ag...
Fortunately, It Was To A National Powerhouse Like Rutgers
The last time we were able to watch our beloved alma mater play in the New York City metropolitian area, it was the Coaches Vs. Cancer Jimmy V Classic at Madison Square Garden. The Illini lost by 20 to Providence and Ryan Gomes. We thought it couldn't get any worse....
NFL Roundup: Mangini's Workout Regimen
Muses and ruminations after Week 1 of the NFL ......
NFL Week 2: Late Game Wrap
• Has anyone ever called a Week 2 retirement press coference before? Brett Favre might want to give it some thought. The Packers were throttled at home, 26-0 at the hands of their division rival, the Chicago Bears. Favre had two second half interceptions, both of which can't be blamed on anyone bu...
NFL Week 1: Halftime Update 2
• The Bears are taking it to Green Bay in the first half, behind three Robbie Gould field goals, and one 49-yard TD pass from Rex Grossman to Bernard Berrian. Brett Favre, in the biggest upset of the week, has yet to throw an interception. Of course, he's only thrown 2 passes, and with a few minutes...
One Last Victory Lap For A Deadspin Hall Of Famer
Ask yourself this: Would you sacrifice 1/17th of your yearly salary in return for one full day of irresponsible drunken sex with on a cruise ship, with the finest multiple partners that money can buy? If you answered yes, congratulations: You can hang with Fred Smoot....
NFL Week 1: Halftime Highlights 1
Sorry if I don't get to your team's game... I can only watch so much of this at once. I'm sure you'll make terrific use of the comments, though. By the way, the NFL is back... and it makes me feel tingly in my man areas....
Taking Down The Goal Posts: Lee Corso's Gray Anatomy
(1) Ohio State 24, (2) Texas 7. It doesn't fall into the "blowout" category, but Ohio State's win last night was pretty thorough. As a football team, they're just in a different class than Texas. The three best offensive players in the game all played for Ohio State: Ted Ginn, Anthony Gonzalez, and ...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 4: Maybe We Should Watch Tennis
This is the last one for today... I'm going to let you enjoy the rest of this Penn State/Notre Dame "game" on your own. You have let a nation down, Joe Paterno....