Get These Sports Dads Out Of My Face

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LaVar Ball is the father of UCLA freshman sensation Lonzo Ball, and this week he got into a beef with Charles Barkley after Barkley goofed on him for predicting his son will be better than Steph Curry. Here’s a small snippet of Ball’s retort:

Here’s the thing, I don’t pull anything back. Whatever I say, I say. It’s just like with Charles Barkley is saying with all these guys. If Charles thought like me, maybe he’d win a championship. Oh yeah, it hurt because he’s saying sometimes when stuff comes out of people’s mouth is just stupid. Guess what? You talking, too. So, everybody has an opinion how things were. I don’t care about that I put the goals up high. I know what my boy is about. I know the work he’s…”

You know what? Let’s cut Ball off there, because who gives a flying shit about LaVar Ball? This guy represents perhaps the nadir of Public Sports Dads, that gross hybrid of parent, coach, and hype man that has been around since the days of Marv Marinovich. Ball joins the ranks of insufferable luminaries like Richard Williams, Robert Griffin Jr., Jim Pierce, Emmanuel Agassi, Earl Woods, Angel Garcia, and Nelson Peterson, a convicted felon who has taken to abetting his son Adrian’s thirst for a free-agent contract:

Adrian Peterson’s father said Tuesday that Seattle and Oakland have emerged as the two most likely destinations if the running back leaves the Vikings.


Okay, and why am I listening to this asshole? Adrian Peterson is an aging back with no versatility who fumbles every fucking game and has ZERO self-awareness. Seattle wouldn’t sign him for a box of Twinkies, and in fact already leaked out their fervent desire to NOT sign him. But apparently Adrian’s old man gives good copy, and that’s enough to get a microphone stuck in front of his face. Any sports dad can become a D-Lister if they’re loud and dumb enough, as evidenced by The Big Lead publishing this embarrassing promo copy for Daddy Ball’s appearance on Colin Schrutebag’s Take Emporium:

LaVar Ball joined The Herd in-studio on FS1 today. Ball, because of his charisma and machismo, is a lightning rod. Those qualities also happen to make him compelling radio and television.


No they don’t. They make him an insufferable cock who can go drown in his own piss. It doesn’t matter how old or how prominent your child is, let them live their own life. And if they need help, let them come to you. LaVar Ball isn’t doing his son any favors. Nelson Peterson isn’t doing his son any favors. All the sports dads should fuck off and go take up railfanning or something.