The entire Western seaboard is being evacuated today, after an NHL webcam captured what appears to be an enormous bird the size of a football field interrupting the rink construction for Saturday's Kings-Sharks game. It is too late for humanity; surely the black death shall devour us all. Should the coal-winged skydestroyer come for me, please tell my family I love them and tell Todd McLellan to stop jerking everyone around with this captaincy thing.