Golf Page 129 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tiger Mistress Upgrades Self To Tiger Baby Mama
A disgraced former journalist claims that a sensationalist documentary claims that a fame-seeking mistress claims she gave birth to Tiger Woods's love child, and was paid to keep quiet. Well, that's all the evidence I need! [The Sun]...

Jim Nantz Honors Justin Rose With Emotional Reading Of Bette Midler Classic
Justin Rose got his first PGA tour victory over the weekend at the Memorial tournament, which allowed Jim Nantz to reach deep into his back catalog of allusions. This week: Hocus Pocus chanteuse Bette Midler....

Reports: Elin Wants Divorce, Shit-Ton Of Money
Elin's rumored $750 million demand sounds exorbitant, until you divide it by his 20 women, and remember many celebrities have paid much more per affair. If true, Nordegren would vault to No. 2 on the tour money list. [NYDN]...

Headlines That Get Funnier After Midnight: "Tiger Penis Found At Auckland Airport"
Not a surprise, really ... but how does that explain the neck problem? [Stuff.co.nz]...

Five Guys Is Good, Just Ask Phil Mickelson
Remember how Phil Mickelson wouldn't stop prattling on about Five Guys last week at The Players? "Best burger I've ever had," he said. Yeah, turns out Lefty owns rights to Five Guys franchises in Orange County. [Sports Biz, via WUP]...

Erica Blasberg's "Very, Very Strange" Death
We're still trying to put the pieces together in the wake of the LPGA tour pro's death at the age of 25, a death that her father thinks doesn't add up....

Notre Dame Golfer DQ'ed For Pulling Scores Out Of Her Ass
Annie Brophy was booted from this weekend's NCAA Regional for giving herself a 30 on the front nine, even though she didn't shoot anywhere near that. Somewhere, Hootie Johnson is tenting his fingers and cackling. [Golfweek]...

The Tiger Woods Injury-Condition Flub You've Been Waiting For All Day
Tiger Woods' bulging disc has forced him to exit The Players Championship and occasioned a Freudian moment from one unfortunate Golf Channel reporter, who called the injury a "bulging dick." H/T Michael....

Commence Your Snickering: Tiger Pulls Out Of The Players With Bulging Disc
Woods is out of The Players Championship with what he thinks is a bulging disc. He had shot a 70-71-71 going into today and now withdraws after knocking a fat double-entendre right down the fairway. [NYT]...

Drunk Golf Fan Taunts Tiger, Gets Tasered At The Players Championship
Travis Parmelee was arrested for disorderly intoxication and summarily tasered by police officers yesterday at the second round of The Players Championship "after he refused to stop heckling Tiger Woods." A Drew Magary fan or regular Hawaiian-shirted, mustachioed hero? [Daily News]...

When Golf Meets Cliff Diving
A New Zealand man fell 100 feet off a cliff while looking for his golf ball yesterday. Looks like someone read that article on how valuable lost balls are. [New Zealand Herald]...

PGA Players On Tiger's Steroids, Tiger's Women, Plus Some Other Golf Stuff
A quarter of pros think Woods used PEDs. Eight percent knew what he was up to before his Thanksgiving night crash. Ninety percent of you won't click through to the full survey, now that you know the juicy stuff. [SI]...

Joslyn James Will Make Precisely As Many Tour Appearances As Tiger
James will follow Tiger to Charlotte, appearing at a local strip club while he plays Quail Hollow in two weeks. How long will she keep this up? Months? Years? Decades? Knowing strippers, I'll say decades. [Charlotte Observer]...

Jim Nantz, You Suck! Goddammit!
Nantz pronounces himself appalled at Tiger's naughty language. "How about the father and son who are standing right there by the tee? How about the hundreds of people who are around that tee who hear that?" How about you fuck yourself? [Chron.com]...

Phil Mickelson: Your New, Women-Friendly, Morally Pristine Sportswriter Unicorn
Once, not so long ago, a famous golfer was unfaithful to the public image that sportswriters had helped construct for him, and the sportswriters were sad. But then along came Phil Mickelson, and the sportswriters turned him into a Lifetime movie....

Phil Mickelson Enjoys A Donut Unlike Any Other
The morning after his Masters triumph, Phil Mickelson reportedly hit up a Krispy Kreme drive-through in Augusta—this one's for the family!—while wearing his green jacket. Yeah, those stains aren't coming out. [Via Clay Travis/Devil Ball Golf]...

Urban Meyer's Still A Dick To The Media, Even At The Masters
For a guy who's very publicly expressed his distaste for reporters and their high-and-mighty "reporting," Meyer sure didn't have a problem bumping some of them from the press area at Amen Corner yesterday....

The Masters, Lefty, And What's Been Left Behind
Remember when Phil Mickelson was the guy who couldn't win the big one? Seems so long ago. Golf and time have a way of doing that. So, Tiger, this too shall pass....

Unbelievable Video: A Wayward <em>Seed</em> Costs Mickelson The Masters Lead
Let's set the stage: third green. Lefty's one off the lead. A gimme putt. And that's when God and/or nature conspire to deny him....

Tiger! Phil! Some British Guys! Your Masters Open Thread
Sunday at Augusta looks to be heavy on the familiar faces, and hopefully the drama as well. Follow along in the comments, and if there are any Tiger Woods jokes that have yet to be made, today's your last chance....