Many fun things will catch your eye in this celebration of Hellmann's mayonnaise from Slate, on the occasion of the product's centennial. A professional chef referring to the stuff as a "gateway mayonnaise," which inevitably conjures forth imagery of shifty-eyed condiment dealers stalking schoolyards to offer the kids little free hits of mayo from discreet baggies, while seasoned condiment addicts in darkened alleyways frenziedly squirt hoisin sauce directly into their carotid arteries. A brief discussion of the phenomenon of "mere exposure" from "a food psychologist at Montclair State University," which, I mean, what is that even. The following sentence: "Hellmann's is more impressive than the balance and beauty found in Coke or Heinz." Beauty! Heinz! What a world! There's more. You really should go read it.

(The inevitable dreary Malcolm Gladwell quote is more enjoyable if you imagine that he pops out from behind a corner brandishing an extended index finger and a "Well, actually..." whenever anyone in the media thinks to write about the lessons that can be learned from a cursory examination of a corporate brand.)

My favorite part, though, is the sound effects. By which I am referring to the sound of ten thousand anti-mayo ninnies puking all over their Go, Diego, Go! onesies.


Image by my dumb phone