Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Here’s One Way to Get Revenge Without Throwing a Baseball at Someone’s Skull

Miguel Sanó reminds us that home runs are an excellent way to show up the other guy without putting him at risk of brain trauma.
Miguel Sanó reminds us that home runs are an excellent way to show up the other guy without putting him at risk of brain trauma.
Photo: Getty

Miguel Sanó destroyed a baseball on Saturday, launching a Joe Jiménez pitch off the facing of the second deck in Minneapolis to pull the Twins within a run of the Tigers in the eighth inning. Sanó then had the game-tying hit in the ninth before Byron Buxton beat out a walkoff infield single.

Advertisement

The Twins are half-game behind the White Sox (and half a shirt behind Eloy Jiménez) in the AL Central. That hardly matters, because everyone halfway decent is going to this year’s playoffs, which will be a best-of-three crapshoot in the first round. Can’t wait. What’s notable about what happened in Minnesota is that we saw that baseball players are capable of engaging in a form of revenge that doesn’t involve throwing a baseball at someone’s head.

Twins broadcaster Dick Bremer interpreted an inter-dugout discourse between the eighth and ninth innings as Sanó and Joe Jiménez make peace after Sanó pimped the hell out of his monster dong. Not quite, as Dan Hayes of The Athletic reported Sanó “plans to celebrate any future big moments against Jiménez, too,” as payback for last season, when “Jiménez struck him out with a slider and told him to ‘get the f*** out of here.’”

Advertisement

Every time there’s a beanball war and/or brawls over violations of the unwritten rules that embarrass painfully fragile men, people who are tired of that nonsense always have a simple solution: if you don’t like it, play better.

Sanó took umbrage with Jiménez striking him out and telling him to get the fuck out of here, so he took Jiménez’s pitch way the fuck out of here, and let him know how much he enjoyed it. Now it’s up to Jiménez, and hopefully the next time he sees Sanó and strikes him out, he recreates Brad “The Animal” Lesley’s full routine, because, really, Sanó should get the fuck out of here.

It was good enough for Nolan Ryan, who should be celebrated for his snarky tribute to Lesley, it should be good enough for everyone who’s ever praised what a big man Ryan was for punching Robin Ventura in the face a bunch.

Also, whatever baseball players want to follow Lesley into doing Japanese game shows, that would be awesome, too. If it was good enough for Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, and Bernie Williams…

Advertisement

Here’s a fun exercise if you have a time machine and find yourself back in 1993 and they ask about 2020.

Advertisement

Tell a Maple Leafs fan that in Game 7 in Toronto, the team in white, one of the conference finalists in 1993, will advance to the conference finals in Edmonton.

Tell a horse racing fan that the big upset in the Kentucky Derby ensures that there won’t be a Triple Crown winner.

Advertisement

Tell an Angels fan that Tim Salmon’s team home run record gets broken by Mike Trout.

That last one is the only one that seems… fishy.

Oh, and while you’re there, get word to the CIA that there’s a KGB guy named Vladimir Putin that they need to take care of. That would be a real help.

Advertisement

Bryce Harper and Patrick Beverley got ejected from games on the same night for being whiners. The world is healing.

Sorry to all the other Jesse Spectors for ruining your Google results.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter