Hey, Look At That! It's College Basketball Season!

Funny how it sneaks up on you, huh? The regular season begins in fitting fashion tonight as the defending champs take on Isiah Thomas in a game he didn't want to coach and no one else wants to watch. Beautiful.

I can't tell you what will happen on the court this year—other than that Michigan State will not win the Big Ten title—but it's fairly easy to guess what plotlines will be most attractive to us media vultures as fall turns into winter which turns into March which turns into you wasting a lot of money on bracket pools. Here are just a few stories you'll probably sick to death of by January (if you aren't already.)

The Isiah Experiment

The previously mentioned Thomas leads a terrible squad in a terrible conference, so naturally, you should expect to hear a lot about him. No team this bad will ever get more attention than Isiah's Panthers, who could lose by 50 at Carolina tonight and still consider it a moral victory. Look for him to orchestrate some sort of trade for Marcus Camby in early February.

The One and Dones

This could be year that finally pushes all the people lamenting the NBA age limit rules over the edge. If John Wall and Xavier Henry lead Kentucky and Kansas to the Final Four the way everyone expects them to—and then promptly bolt to the pros the way everyone knows they will—it might have even more people wondering why this charade continues to go on every year when these kids could just go to Europe and be easily forgotten about. I'll take my slow and stiff four-year seniors, thank you.

Yep, That's A One-Handed Basketball Player

This is Kevin Laue, 6-foot-11 center from Pleasanton, Calif., who is now a freshman on scholarship at Manhattan College. Also, he was born without the lower half of his left arm. (Hint to opposing centers: Try to make him put the ball on the floor.) [Photo via NY Daily News]

Marcus Jordan Sticking It To Adidas

Again, with the terrible small colleges in the middle of Florida? Marcus started his college career with a bang—by humiliating his program so that Nike could make .00089% more money next year. Thanks, Dad!

Just-in'love Smith, Guard, Siena Saints

Because why not?

Rick Pitino

Hey, remember when he fucked that woman in a restaurant, (allegedly) got her pregnant, bought her (temporary) silence, (probably?) convinced one of his assistants to marry her and then got all pissy when people pointed out that he shouldn't have done that? That's it. Just reminding you that happened so you can think about it anytime you see him on TV this season. (P.S. 9/11.)

Everything You Need to Know About the 2009-10 Season… [Rush The Court] 2009-10 Preseason 347 Countdown [Rivals] 65 things to watch during the 2009-10 season [FoxSports]