Hockey Page 550 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Game Sevens Beyond Thunderdome
The NHL Closer is written by the five degenerates over at Melt Your Face Off, who attempt to reconcile their deviant behavior by invoking Sykes & Matza's Neutralization Theory and participating in the recreational pursuits of latch-hooking and bad MS Paint projects....
Canadiens Fans Advance To Second Round With Quiet Dignity
Sure, beating the Boston Bruins at any point in the NHL playoffs is a monumental achievement; just ask Bill Simmons. But I'm beginning to suspect that Montreal fans are just looking for an excuse to riot. Looting after a first-round playoff win? Really? Look, Canada ... the NBA Playoffs are going on...
No Eternal Return For Bruins
The NHL Closer is written by five pretentious, post-punk musicians from Melt Your Face Off. We reach for our revolver when Kristen Bell isn't pictured....
We Were Told There Would Be Beer And Pretzels
The NHL Closer is written by five complete psychopaths from Melt Your Face-Off. If you prick us, do we not bleed? If the voices in our head speak to us, do we not answer? If you puts boobs on our closers, do we not click through the jump?...
New Jersey Devils Given New York Farewell
It's nice to see the NHL Playoffs' first round is filled with good-natured competitiveness. Certainly this is epitomized by the New York Rangers and New Jersey Devils — neighbors! — playing to a 5-3 Rangers victory, knocking the Devils out of the playoffs. And all Rangers fans can certainly apprecia...
Overtime Is Not Ovie Time
The NHL Closer is written by the five sophisticated gentlemen at Melt Your Face Off. When not sampling caviar and fine bordeaux, they enjoy attending monster truck rallies and frog-gigging....
Murray Season, Fire!
The NHL Closer is written by the five horny gentlemen from Melt Your Face Off. We accept tips in the form of Krispy Kremes, Pappy Van Winkle whiskey and whatever powder comes off Lindsay Lohan's C-notes....
Sean Avery Might Be The NHL's Most Compelling Idiot
Say what you will about the Rangers' Sean Avery, but in an NHL devoid of any discernible personalities, he's definitely becoming the most entertaining to non-puckheads. Courtesy of FanIq comes these two Avery gems, one before and one after his whole bizarre stick waving incident with Martin Brodeur...
The Ducks Aren't Licked Yet
The NHL Closer is written by the five delightful gentlemen from Melt Your Face Off. When not writing for MYFO and commenting on Deadspin, the fellas enjoy spending time listening to songs that are a trip with a funky beat that they can bug out to. Enjoy....
Do Protective Cups Even Help Any More?
In Saturday's 5-4 loss to the Capitals, the Flyers' Patrick Thoresen attempted to block a shot with his body and ended up getting drilled with the puck. But, unlike the thousands of other times this occurs during a hockey season, Thoresen got hit with the puck right in the peach basket, which dente...
He Is The Dungeon Master. His Rules
The NHL Closer is written by Melt Your Face Off....
Introducing Your New, Healthier NHL Closer
Greetings. Weed Against Speed here. With Wyshynski gone to The Exclamation Point, my fellow editors and I at Melt Your Face Off are proud to take the reins of the NHL Closer for the rest of the Playoffs. Don't worry. There will still be hot chicks in little clothing....
When Your Fans Blow ... Up Their Cups
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer....
Today In Silly Political Wagers
In case you forget, people, gambling is a sin, but that doesn't stop our politicians from insisting on those dopey city "wagers" anytime their teams play in the postseason....
Two Cheers, One Boo for the Elderly
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer....
NHL POST-VIEW: NHL Awards, Facts And Fiction
With the regular season over and done, NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski hands out the hockey hardware — officially and unofficially....
NHL Playoff Preview: The Threes Meet the Sixes
NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski previews the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals right up until they drop what is commonly referred to as "the puck."...
The Ones Meet The Eights
NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski previews the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals right up until they drop what is commonly referred to as "the puck."...
NHL Playoff Preview: The Twos Meets The Sevens
NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski previews the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals right up until they drop what is commonly referred to as "the puck."...
Stanley Cup Preview: The Fours Meet The Fives
NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski previews the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals right up until they drop what is commonly referred to as "the puck."...