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If Only Kevin Durant Had Beaten The Shit Out Of Draymond Green

Photo: Claus Andersen (Getty)

Golden State Warriors fans are in the process of suffering through a rotation anchored by the legendary Eric Paschall, the even more legendary Omari Spellman, and the beyond legendary Ky Bowman. Stephen Curry (out indefinitely with a Rice Krispie’d hand) and Klay Thompson (waiting for various knee ligaments to become less like spaghetti) won’t be riding in on a white horse anytime soon, so you know they’re pining for their former savior, Kevin Durant.

But Durant, who limped away from the Dubs during this past summer’s free agency frenzy, isn’t pining for Golden State.

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Yesterday, during an ESPN interview, the currently-rehabbing Brooklyn Net unloaded on his former Warriors teammate, Draymond Green.

Last season, after a November loss to the Los Angeles Clippers, Durant and Green had themselves a mutual hissy fit.

To me, it looked like a normal workplace argument, similar to the one I had with that jack-wagon from the A&R department back in 2002. But for Durant, it was a monumental moment in his basketball life, one that he still can’t let go. (I’ve moved on from my bitch-fest with that A&R jack-wagon. Sort of.)

“Draymond knew that he was out of line,” Durant said. “As men, we talked about it and everybody around tried to get us to mend it fast because of the season and we wanted to win. But he had his process on how he wanted to handle it and I had my process and eventually we came together.”

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That sounds mature and rational. But Durant isn’t always known for Durant his maturity and rationality, so there’s more.

“I mean, your teammate talked to you that way, you think about it a bit,” Durant groused. “We talked about it, but definitely [it was a factor in signing with Brooklyn], for sure, I’m not going to lie about it.”

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Translation: If Draymond hadn’t have been such a dick, I’d still be in Cali.

From where I’m sitting, this all could’ve been solved with an old-fashioned ass-whoopin’. If Dubs coach Steve Kerr had told the combatants after the game in question, “When we’re done with practice tomorrow, go to center court and duke it out,” the Warriors faithful wouldn’t be stuck watching legend amongst legends Damion Lee and ultra-uber-OMG legend Glenn Robinson III.

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Which begs the question, could Durant have opened up a can on Green?

Probably. Durant has the height and weight advantage (6’10, 240 to 6’6”, 230), and his 7’5” wingspan, as compared to Draymond’s 7’1”, would be especially problematic for the surly Michigan State product.

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Green, however, has experience on his side.

Throughout his career, Dr. Dray has proven to be willing ball-kicker, a dude who’s been known to knee an opponent in the dick and balls, a move that could’ve led to a lengthy suspension, which could’ve led to postseason elimination for the Warriors. Because, y’know, delivering a quality blow to an opponent’s sack is way more fun than earning a championship ring.

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This begs the question, who wins a theoretical Durant/Green tilt?

Me, I’d give the slight edge to K.D. Aside from the fact that over the last five-ish years, Durant has devolved from a legit nice dude to a raging asshole – and would thus have attitude on his side – that four-inch reach advantage would make it nearly impossible for Green to get close enough to unleash his trademark testicle thump.

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That said, if Green did manage to work his way inside, all bets would’ve been off. Then you’re looking at a potential bloodbath. (For the record, I think Durant would’ve won the fight with a T.K.O. in the fifth.)

But it’s possible that a bloodbath would’ve been cathartic for Durant, so cathartic that he might well have re-signed with Golden State and spared Warriors fans a year of horrendous hoops from super-duper-duper-super-mega-mega legends like Alen Smailgic.

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Yes, that Alen Smailgic.

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