In Wayne Gretzky's Nightmares, He Still Waits For The Goddamn Robot Cauldron To Goddamn Open

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

* In case you accidentally passed over it below (or had better things to do on a Friday night than watch the Winter Olympics opening ceremonies), I highly encourage you watch Gawker.TV's coverage of the icy awkwardness. (And Bob Costas' gentle commentary lets everyone know that, so far, the opening ceremonies have gone on "without a hitch" and that it's only the most memorable, triumphant moment that has been "something slightly less." Nice save. [ Gawker.TV] (Also, Mediaite)

Top Photo: 30fps Bottom photo: Like, 100 people who own televisions.

* Oh! While the rest of the NBA spent last night getting shit-hammered in Dallas, Mark Cuban went out and made a trade.

* And Mariotti, God bless him, takes on the luge tragedy with his usual chest-puffing approach but actually is, for once, justifiably angry about this mess: "That time is now, Jacques. Shame on you for not answering the question with more care. We need to know why the track was so dangerous, why no one listened to the lugers about safety. We need to know why some of these Winter Games events are too life-threatening, why we're seeing too many accidents like the one that left Shaun White eating the halfpipe while performing his dangerous Double McTwist 1260, or the late-January wreck that dislocated the hip of U.S. skier Daron Rahlves and might knock him out of the Games. I realize we've bemoaned the growing irrelevance of the Winter Olympics and have urged IOC officials to light a spark...The Funeral competition was not what we had in mind."

* Also, there was that delightful Rookies/Sophomore zoom-zam shootout game in NBA-land. [ BallDontLie]

Good morning. It's Saturday. Again. What the fuck.