In Which We Find Out Who Will Be Miss U.S. Pole Dance, 2009

" Pole dancing without the removal of clothes is like Ivy League basketball — all fundamentals, no dunks. Not that I wanted them to take off their clothes. Some were older than my mom."

I can't imagine how anyone could take the fun out of pole dancing, and I can imagine quite a lot. But that's just what they did recently according to Extra Mustard's Jacob Osterhout, who ventured over to the Bleeker Street Theatre in New York City to report on the US Pole Dance Championship. Twelve female contestants, chosen from more than 50 applicants, vied for the honor of representing the United States at Miss Pole Dance Australia 2009.

As Tommy Lasorda will tell you, this is America's sport! It was invented here! We must win this competition! But Osterhout is less enthusiastic.

If I was looking for a lascivious time, something akin to a Sunday afternoon brunch at the The Bada Bing! club, I was bound for serious disappointment. As many of the dancers and organizers would repeatedly point out during the afternoon, pole dancing is not stripping.

The dress code from the USPDF rulebook states, "No nudity, no G-strings or thongs. Violation of this requirement leads to immediate disqualification."

SPOILER ALERT!

Jenyne Butterfly, a "petite blonde from Eastern Washington," took first place with her routine entitled Pole Queen. Now it's on to Australia, for America. And for pole dancers everywhere.

A Live Report From The U.S. Pole Dance Championship [SI.com]