Once in a while, we're offered a glimpse into the dark heart of the American family. The above voicemail is one such instance. Reader Ben provides the background:
The attached voicemail was left on my friend's phone one to two years ago by accident. Her outgoing message is one of those default, "you have reached 973-XXX-XXXX" and the caller was so rage-blinded (rage-deafened?) that she must not have realized she had the wrong number.
The caller is a mother, very clearly displeased, who systematically rips apart her daughter, her daughter's boyfriend, and multiple members of "that disgusting family of his." It's unbelievable.
Initially thinking it was a prank or a hoax, we've done all kinds of research and couldn't find anything similar on the web (the quiet laugh you hear around 1:10 is me, made while recording from speakerphone to voicenotes). I think the readers will enjoy listening, and we would be thrilled if someone happened to know Laura, Anthony, baby Chase, or any of the other supporting cast mentioned in the message, and could let us know what the hell happened here.
I didn't realize it was possible to be both passive-aggressive and straight-up aggressive simultaneously, but I assure you this woman accomplishes the trick with alarming ease. Listening to this voicemail will cause you to remember any and all knives-out fights you may have had with your own mother. When provoked, mothers are as brutal as they come. Some highlights, in case you chose not to listen:
• "I want nothing more to do with you. NOTHING. I really hate you."
• "You don't have a family over here. You have a father, won't have a mother."
• "You've lost your family. All you have now is Anthony and that disgusting father with the moles, you know, hanging on his face."
• "Oh, then there's Aunt Donna, THE DYKE. Who hangs around with a bunch of GAY PEOPLE."
• "You piece of shit BITCH."
• "Fuck you. I'll see you in court, motherfucker."
• "I will get my money, and I will get my ring if I have to cut your goddamn finger off."
• "I want you and Anthony to DROP DEAD."
It's like listening to a Eugene O'Neill play. Only shorter. And somehow meaner.
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