Just Imagine If He'd Won Gold

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• That's Scotty Lago, U.S. bronze medalist in the halfpipe, enjoying one of the many perks of Olympic victory. The photos, taken at an apparent post-victory street party on Thursday night, ran on TMZ yesterday, prompting Scotty to voluntarily leave the Olympics. On the plus side, at least the woman got her question answered as to whether it was real bronze.

• Antawn Jamison had a (cough) memorable debut with the Cavs last night, going 0 for 12 from the field with four of his shots blocked and two of them air balled. Cleveland lost to Charlotte, dropping the season series to the upstart Bobcats 3 to 1. Interestingly, if the season ended today, these two teams would meet in the first round. Typical seasons - never ending when you want them to. I'm looking at you, winter and Deadwood Season 3.

• Major League Baseball is jumping aboard the "we would like our players not to threaten to shoot each other" bandwagon, posting signs in spring training locker rooms prohibiting individuals from "possessing deadly weapons while performing any services for MLB." The signs are posted in accordance with "Major League Baseball's Weapon-Free Workplace Policy", which was apparently developed after Plaxico Burress accidentally blew a hole in his own leg last year. According to the policy, employees (including players, natch) cannot carry "firearms, explosives, daggers, metal knuckles, switchblade knives, and knives having blades exceeding 5 inches" into any MLB-owned facilities. But it doesn't say shit about nunchucks.

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Another full slate of Olympic action on tap today, including medals to be handed out in alpine, speed skating and (yes!) ski jumping. All this and a nine-week-old puppy/urine machine vying for my attention. Time to warm up the eyeballs and practice those summoning skills.