Kim Jong Un Personally Responsible For Inspiring Every North Korean Gold Medal, Reports North Korea

If you've been following the Olympics from any outlet other than government mouthpiece KCNA, you have no idea what you're missing. Like North Korea's bronze medal in weightlifting. For all their continuing coverage of their four golds, there has not been one mention of the bronze. Third place is second loser.

But what's in the papers today? (Besides a high wood pulp content, making newspapers a good food alternative during the regular famines.) Well, Om Yun Chol won a weightlifting gold five days ago, and he's still front page material.

"Black Horse" Om from group B overpowered group A rivals by applying "group-change tactics".

After the match, he told foreign reporters that the secret is nothing but the loving care of leader Kim Jong Il and the dear respected Kim Jong Un.

The athletes and coaches of the team and other people in the DPRK are now rejoicing over his good job. They were unanimous in saying that his success showed the faith, grit and the mettle of the Korean army and people who are building a thriving country under the leadership of the dear respected Kim Jong Un.

Rim Jong Sim also took gold in weightlifting, and you'll never guess who she credits for her success:

"The only thing I want to do right now is to run to our dear General with my gold medal in my hand," Rim said.

Speaking on the secret leading to her victory, she said,

"Our training is designed to maximize our talents and combine them with precise movement. Even when the training was really tough, as an athlete I have the duty to give joy to the supreme leader Kim Jong Un."

You can bet Best Korea's Olympic glory is being celebrated at home.

The news has sent another pleasure to the local people.

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Kim Il Jin, a teacher at the Songyo District Juvenile Sports School, said:

"All of the teachers and students of the school are greatly inspired by the Olympic results of the DPRK athletes.

"I will work harder to train reserve athletes who will glorify the honor of the country as they did."

But what do Olympic medals actually mean, in the bigger picture?

The good results of the DPRK athletes at the London Olympics display the inexhaustible strength of Songun (military-first) Korea.

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.