Minnesota quarterback and griller of igneous rocks Kirk Cousins is getting the hang of working with rookie center Garrett Bradbury, who the Vikings selected in the first round of the draft back in April. The two will play together in a game for the first time on Friday, in a couple series of preseason action against the Saints. You would think that Cousins’s first, second, and third concerns will be how Bradbury handles protection duties against a live pass rush, but there you would be incorrect—most of what Cousins wanted to talk about when asked about Bradbury Wednesday afternoon was his young center’s swampy keister:
“Well I’m gonna take it back to how much he sweats, again. He promises that it’s not a problem in games, and it remains to be seen because his shorts today were soaked. And, uh, he says it’s not a problem on gameday, so the moment of truth Friday night. But apparently, you know, when they keep those domes air-conditioned and you get a break on the bench and you sit with the cooling fans, I’m hoping that really helps. So that’s a big thing I’m gonna take away from Friday night, is how tough was it to grip the ball after he snaps it to me. Uh, if it is tough we might be in pistol and shotgun all year, which coach [Gary] Kubiak and Kevin [Stefanski] wouldn’t like very much.”
I’m not sure the world needed or even especially wanted to visualize Cousins’s hands glistening with the crotch sweat of his new center, or the ball becoming slick with it. Pretty gross. Time will tell whether Bradbury’s watery buttcheeks will be a persistent problem for Minnesota’s passing attack.