Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Danica Patrick finished a very respectable sixth in her stock car debut at Daytona, surviving a nudge into the infield grass and garnering an alarmingly slobbering writeup from one motorsports writer. An impressive first ARCA race, but some kind of victory for womankind? Tell that to the other five women in the 43-car field.
•LeBron scores 47, including 35 in the first half and 24 straight, in a win over the Knicks. He always plays spectacularly when the Knicks are on the court; I wonder how great he'd be if he were on the Knicks. Oh, that's right, less great, because he wouldn't be playing against them.
•Randy Couture choked out Mark Coleman at last night's UFC event, in a battle between two Hall-of-Famers. Wait, they pit past-their-prime Hall-of-Famers against each other in brutal bloodsports? Charles Haley is even more upset about yesterday's results.
•Warren Sapp has been suspended by the NFL Network in the wake of his domestic violence arrest, not days after Michael Irvin was cut by ESPN Radio. If you're a former NFL player and you're sick of your current media gig, just find a woman in Miami.
•As if an NFL lockout wasn't enough to make your 2011, let's keep in mind that the NBA CBA expires then too — and owners want to cut back max contracts to a third of what they're now worth, if one source is to be believed. This means that anyone, literally anyone will be able to afford LeBron. Fort Wayne Mad Ants? Check. Tulsa Shock? Sure. Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons? You know it.
Good morning. I hear there's some kind of football game on later today. Considering there's literally no other news out there, I'll do my best to make you sick of it before kickoff.