Lenny Dykstra's Accountant Wanted To Launch A Charlie Sheen Energy Drink

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The latest issue of Sports Illustrated has a feature by David Epstein about the human flotsam that is Lenny Dykstra, who was sentenced on Monday to three years in California state prison after pleading no contest to grand theft auto and filing a false financial statement. Epstein spoke with an LAPD detective who investigated Dykstra to gather some new details about the ex-ballplayer's sad, seedy behavior.


Among the revelations was the following information about the businesses that Dykstra's jockhanging accountant, Robert Hymers (here's the only photo I found of him) hoped to launch with Charlie Sheen, with whom Dykstra was palling around at the time:

In late 2010, Hymers, according to a taped interview that police conducted with him on Feb. 14, 2011, began helping Dykstra package assets—specifically his MLB pension and a stake in the online celebrity poker site Hollywood Poker—to be sold or used as collateral to obtain loans. Dykstra promised Hymers equity in his new business Home Free Systems, ostensibly set up to help people refinance predatory home mortgages. Dykstra had also introduced Hymers to Sheen, with whom Hymers hoped to partner on an energy drink with the slogan, "Sheen power, Sheen blood, Sheen energy." Hymers also wanted to market an electronic cigarette called the Nico-Sheen through a company called Vapor Rush. Vapor Rush, which lists Hymers as the CFO on its website, filed for a Nico-Sheen trademark on April 4, 2011, according to records from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Later that month, TMZ reported that Nico-Sheen would be billed as the "winning E-cigarette" and Dykstra would be a partner in the venture.

Hymers was dazzled by the possibility of earning money with Sheen; in a second police interview, on March 22, 2011, he referred to Dykstra as "Sheen rich and cash poor."


Oh, and then there was the part about the fortune teller. And the human growth hormone found in Dykstra's fridge. The HGH allegedly came from Sheen and traced back to an HIV patient. Nico-Sheen, Sheen Blood, HGH, a fortune teller. I smell a sitcom episode....

How Lenny Dykstra Got Nailed [Sports Illustrated]