Let's Count How Many Metaphors We Can Make Out Of Brandon Weeden Being Trapped Under A Giant American Flag

1. Perfect illustration of the NFL's tendency to smother you to do death with its American-ness.

2. Ominous portent of Weeden's performance against the Eagles, a game in which Mike Vick threw four interceptions (it should have been five) and yet somehow had a passer rating TEN TIMES BETTER than Weeden's.

3. Ominous portent for entire Browns season.

4. Useful image for conveying just how clueless the Browns are for building around an injured running back and a 86-year-old rookie QB.

5. Example of how we, as a country, are trying to HIDE Cleveland, to shield the rest of the world away from our greatest shame. Look at our beautiful flag! Keep your eyes on it! No need to look over to that river of fire over yonder.