Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Stephen Strasburg will debut as a major leaguer next Tuesday against the Pirates at Nationals Park, where he will perform the miracle of making many replica jerseys disappear from the gift store.
• Lakers center Andrew Bynum had 70 milliliters of fluid drained from his knee.
• The Marlins' Cameron Maybin hit an inside-the-park home run yesterday, mainly because Brewers centerfielder Carlos Gomez — are we still required to call him toolsy? — approached the ball by way of the Panama Canal.
• Stanley Crouch, who is occasionally sane, writes of Venus Williams and her ass:
Venus has always seemed more sedate, even prim in a soulful way, but she may now have sunk into the light pornography of our red-carpet meat rack. She will have to decide now if she will become a Hottentot Venus* or an ethnic version of a white ho.
* This is the Hottentot Venus, aka Saartjie Baartman:
• The photo of Keith Hernandez comes courtesy of reader Charlie, who e-mails (with subject line: "Keith Hernandez is in the Hamptons"):
but he's not too busy to take a quick photo-op with some admirers. I dont think he knew we mustache-bombed the picture, but I assume he expects this now.
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Good morning. It's Tuesday.