Locker Page 1268 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Noah Declared 'Undead', Cleared to Play Tonight
The best first round series anyone can remember concludes tonight as Chicago travels to Boston for Game 7. Contrary to some earlier speculation, "Garquatch" will not be suiting up....

Ron Artest Regales TNT With A State Of The Union Address From Planet Crazy
His opinions aren't that off-base — I think considering what Brandon Roy's done in the playoffs so far, he's deserving of some over-the-top praise. Barkley? Probably would have been less effective had he spent his prime years during this NBA era. But it's Artests hyperactive, glazed-over expression ...

Trail Blazer-Themed Pipes Make A Great Mother's Day Gift
If you live in Portland and have playoff tickets, someone would like to trade you these beautiful glass pipes for your ducats. I'm not sure what you would use them for, though. [Ball Don't Lie]...

Hawks Radio Announcers Might Be Biased Against Dwayne Wade
Things got a little chippy during Atlanta's 106-91 mugging of Miami, but that seemed okay with the Hawks radio crews—as long as "the great Dwayne Wade" was on the receiving end of the rough stuff....

Dwight Howard Out For Game Six, Magicians Everywhere Mourn
Dwight Howard has been suspended one game for getting all elbow-y on Philly's Samuel Dalembert. (Rajon Rondo? It's all good!) I hope we all learned something valuable here. [Orlando Sentinel; Chicago Tribune; WFNY]...

L. Jon Wertheim Tells The Ultimate ‘Sheed/Isaiah Rider Story
We got two excellent stories out of this week's Deadcast guest: Sports Illustrated writer L. Jon Wertheim....

Denver Nuggets Do Not Feel Remorse Or Pity
The Nuggets beat the Hornets by 58 points last night, tying an NBA record for heartless cruelty. Why do you make them hit you like that, New Orleans? [ProBasketballNews; Denver Stiffs]...

I'm Kobe Bryant, And I'm Taking Over This Motion Picture
Spike Lee is denying the whole thing, but the New York Post is telling the tale of how Kobe Bryant supposedly hijacked Lee's documentary of him to present himself in the best possible light....

Jayson Williams Hospitalized, "Suicidal"
Yes, it's the Jayson Williams you're thinking of. The former New Jersey Net was arrested and hospitalized this morning after tearing up a hotel room and acting "violent" and "suicidal." So he's not doing well?...

A Ball-Grabbing Good Time At The United Center
Ben Gordon scored 22 points against Boston today, but none bigger than this DAGGER! three to tie the game at the end of the first overtime. He also has something in his shorts for you....

More Game Fours Than You Can Shake A Fork At
It's a Game 4 quadruple header today in the NBA Playoffs today. What will we learn?! Besides how many nachos can be consumed in an 11-hour period. Open thread your hearts out, hoop heads. [NBA]...

Rajon Rondo Likes Fast Cars, Absurd Amounts Of Caffeine
First of all, how could Red Bull pick an NBA player as its first spokesman, and not have him be a member of the Chicago Bulls? Seems like a tragic misstep to me. [Break Media] [Rajon Rondo Blog]...

Tony Allen Is Not Very Popular In Chicago
Boston Celtics' guard Tony Allen apparently has angered some Chicago-area individuals so much they have threatened to kill him, prompting Tom Clancy-like security for him during last night's Bulls/Celtics game at the United Center....

Crack The F—king Skye. Your 2009 NFL Draft Jamboroo
The NFL Draft is this weekend, so time for a special offseason edition of Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Enjoy....

Steve Nash Must Be Stopped Before He Directs Again
In his directorial debut, Steve Nash frolicked with Baron Davis on a tandem bike. Now there's Superbadge, starring Shaquille O'Neal and Alando Tucker as cops. This can't be good for anyone. [NBA.com]...

Erick Dampier Should Not Think Out Loud
"Every time [Tony Parker] drives the lane, we have to put him on his back....My first foul Thursday night is going to put him on his back. I guarantee it." [Dallas Morning News]...

NHL, NBA Playoffs Not Over Yet
How was your weekend? I had no access to the internet (or TV! The horror), but I trust that things around these parts were quiet and uneventful with little or no boat rocking whatsoever....

Open Thread: NBA Playoffs
Append your trenchant hoop analysis below. Possible topic for discussion: Hot hand — myth or no? [TrueHoop]...

Danny Ainge Suffers Heart Attack, Is Expected To Recover
Former Celtics star and current director of basketball operations Danny Ainge was taken to a Boston hospital today after suffering a "minor heart attack." [WBZ-TV]...

Sesame Street Officially Jumps The Shark
You know a television show is on its last legs when it starts bringing in celebrity guest stars ... like when Tom Selleck became a semi-regular on Friends. Now here's Kobe Bryant cavorting with Muppets....