Locker Page 1280 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

How To Quietly Open A Beer Can. Jamboroo, Week 10.
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available RIGHT FUCKING NOW in stores and online here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK. My ...

Another Typical Day At The Fox-Attached-To-Your-Arm 2K Run
Well, there goes my idea for a children's book. A Prescott, Arizona jogger ran a mile with a rabid fox clamped to her arm, then tossed the animal into her car trunk before driving to the hospital, authorities said. The woman, whose name was not released, is receiving rabies vaccinations. As is the f...

Stat Nerd Better At Predicting Elections Than Predicting The NL East
If you're a seamhead, you know Nate Silver as the Baseball Prospectus geek who has probably forgotten more about algorithms than you and I will ever know. He invented the PECOTA projection system, which predicted Tampa Bay's first 90-win season way back in February when the Devil Rays were still the...

Stephon Marbury Doomed To Wander Knicks Sideline For All Eternity
Isiah Thomas established previously unprecedented levels of bizarro organizational management while running the New York Knicks, but just because he doesn't work there any more it doesn't mean the front office isn't still covered in crazy residue. Team president Donnie Walsh and new head coach Mike ...

The New Mayor Of Sacramento Can Go To His Left
The votes haven't all been counted yet — this is California, where we're the last to know anything — but it seems that former University of California and Phoenix Suns guard Kevin Johnson is now the mayor of Sacramento. Why is he being punished, you ask? No, he sought this office, beating incumbent ...

Allen Iverson Traded: The Day After
So Allen Iverson is now a Piston. And Chauncey Billiups is heading back to Colorado. And the world now knows the name Cheikh Samb. But what does it mean for Detroit, Denver, Antonio McDyess and the rest of the NBA? Detailed analysis, educated guesses, wild speculation and whatever the hell Woody Pai...

Hey, That's Hate Speech
I've heard of slinging mud, but this is just going too far. Seen high over Denver's Invesco Field during the Dolphins-Broncos game on Sunday, this banner linking John McCain to the NFL franchise which lost 24-0 to the Falcons earlier in the day. Oakland gained 78 yards total offense in the process, ...

You're With Me, Election
Yeah, yeah, I agree; there's something clearly disturbing about Boomer being the last human to interview John McCain and Barack Obama before we all go to the polls today. But look on the bright side: The phrase "Barack and a hard place" was not uttered; Berman didn't lose it and scream at an intern;...

When Oversized NBA Mascots Attack
I'm a huge fan of the hidden camera show brand of humor, which, when done well, can be pretty darned hilarious. Following the jump we have a good example, courtesy of the Houston Rockets. It reminds me of the old British show Trigger Happy TV, which was on Comedy Central briefly a while back. Those ...

Allen Iverson On His Way To Detroit
The Detroit Pistons are this close (imagine my thumb and index fingers very near to each other) to trading Chauncey Billiups, Antonio McDyess and Cheikh Samb to the Denver Nuggets for Allen Iverson. The Detroit News was first on this, and others are now saying that the deal has been agreed to in pri...

NBA Closer: James Posey Puts the Clamps on LeBron
• Good thing Boston didn't keep that Posey guy; he's useless: The Hornets' big free-agent acquisition from this past summer shut down LeBron James at crunch time, and hit an enormous three to seal the victory for New Orleans. Posey's teammate, Chris Paul, had a typically brilliant game - 24 points,...

Knicks Fans Love Affair With Mike D'Antoni Lasts Three Quarters
After what seemed like four decades of frustration with managerial incompetence, New York Knicks fans were finally liberated from the shackles of the Isiah Thomas Era and were rewarded with the free-wheeling Mike D'Antoni, a guy with actual playoff wins on his resume. Everything is going to be fine!...

Happy Halloween From Drew Gooden
If you're looking for last-minute costume ideas for tonight, you could do worse than this. Tarantula? Upside-down view of Don King's hair? Witch's broom? Let your imagination be your guide. (Tattoos optional). Or if this doesn't appeal to you, why not go as Roy Williams? (Costume following the jump)...

30 Previews In 30 Days: The Washington Wizards
The NBA season has started! And this is the last team we have to preview! They are: The Washington Bullets Wizards. When last we saw them: Finished 43-39, second in the Southeast Division and fifth overall in the East. Suffered what is becoming their annual "Elimination by the Cleveland Cavaliers" i...

Why It’s Okay To Mix In A Little Politics With Your Sports
We're less than a week away from the election, and talk of it has seeped over into a good amount of sportswriting. Leitch is a big fan of doing it. Nor am I one to resist. Now, writing about politics online, in a forum that is not inherently political always produces two results. One: a retarded fl...

HALLOWEENAROO! Jamboroo, Week 8
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available RIGHT FUCKING NOW in stores and online here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK. It'...

FreeDarko Will Blow Your Mind With Widgets
I am a big NFL fan. But my passion for that league looks like a mere dalliance when compared to the fantastically obsessive adoration the people at FreeDarko have for the NBA. I mean, they previewed every fucking GAME of the season, for shit's sake. You know, for those of you who need to know the o...

Cops Still Baffled By Isiah Thomas' Tomfoolery
We'll probably never know what really happened last Friday night at Isiah Thomas' spacious pad in Purchase, New York, but the one thing that is being made perfectly clear: he's the one who overdosed on sleeping pills, not his daughter, and police chief, David Hall, is doing everything possible to ma...

30 Previews In 30 Days: The Utah Jazz
The NBA season has started! But, like, we still have two previews to go! Up next is a team that loves the pick-and-roll...and quiet evenings at home. They are: The Utah Jazz. When last we saw them: Finished 54-28, first in the Northwest Division and fourth overall in the West. Lost to the Lakers in ...

The NBA Season Starts Tonight! Here's What You Can Expect...
Finally, at long last, the NBA's 2008-09 regular season begins tonight. Oh, sorry, I forgot. I meant so say: It begins TONIGHT ON TNT! Except for the Bucks-Bulls game, which isn't quite ready for prime time (outside of the greater Milwaukee and Chicagoland areas, anyway). The question is: Are you p...