Locker Page 1299 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Rockets Truly Are Too Legit To Quit
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's about this close to ordering a Dikembe Mutombo jersey. When he isn't marvelling at the continued mobility of the venerable (i.e., ancient) center, he can be found whistling Dixie at Basketbawful. Enjoy! They're on a mission from God. That's about the ...
Welcome To Isiah Thomas Stadium
Did you know that there was a Cedar Rapids Kernels Baseball Club? They're the Iowan Class A affiliate of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (man that's a lot of prepositions), and their nickname is the Kernels. Which means there's only one logical corporate sponsor. Ladies and gentlepeople, welcome t...
It's The Utah Jazz On The Town, Skeet Skeet
Looking for that perfect Saturday night activity? Live in the Salt Lake City area? Have 29 bucks to blow on a the possibility of seeing Andrei Kirilenko party like it's New Years Eve? You're in luck....
Swag Update: It's At An All Time High
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, a master of the ancient art of ninja. When he isn't stalking his enemies in the dead of night, he can't be found practicing the art of stealth at Basketbawful. Enjoy! He's baaaa-aaaack. Remember that Caron Butler guy? He returned to the Washington lineup af...
If You Can't Sell It, Sloganize It!
This is a special NBA Closer extra from Basketbawful...
Winning Ugly. So Very, Very Ugly
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who scraped out his eyes with a spoon after watching the Rockets' 20th consecutive win. Fortunately, the government immediately replaced them with bionic implants, but now they expect him to fight crime. So when he isn't using his now-better than 20/20 visio...
One Year Since Isiah Showed "Evident Progress"
It's a historic day, everyone, one whose importance almost slipped by us. Today, it has been one year since James Dolan saw "evident progress" from the New York Knicks and extended Isiah Thomas' contract. Boy, did that ever work out well....
Who Wants To Sound Like Mutumbo?
By the way, there's all kinds of Rockets video goodness on the series of tubes today....
Scalper's Night Off In The NBA
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who knows that dunking cheerleaders can help make the pain go away. When he isn't enjoying the fine art of the dance, he can be found doing the Funky Cold Medina at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Run! It's Shaq!! On Sunday, The Big Cactus flattened three full rows ...
The NBA Closer...of Doom!
The NBA Closer is written by Doctor Victor Von Doom, the monarch of Latveria and sworn enemy of the Fantastic Four. When he isn't filling his armor with unstoppable devices of mayhem and receiving physical gratification from his endless army of robot duplicates, Doom can be found plotting his conque...
Mark Cuban Dislikes Bloggers Who Aren't Him
We know. You're like us. You've always wished professional sports owners could be more like Mark Cuban. He's cool! He's like a real fan! He has a blog! He's not afraid to pick a nonsensical fight with Midwesterners! But, alas, we should perhaps not be too surprised: He's as bad as the rest of them....
Huge Sigh Of Relief Out Of Phoenix Alters National Weather Patterns
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is holed up in a basement next to a big stack of canned goods and bottled water right now. When he isn't preparing for the end of all life as we know it, he can be found tweezing his eyebrows at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Los Spurs and Rockets Win, While The LeBron Jameses Lose
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who wishes you all a happy freaking Friday. When he's not celebrating the weekend, he can be found playing Texas Hold 'Em at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • We now have an answer to one of life's great mysteries. The Yao Ming-less Rockets are indeed better than the ...
Yao's Untraditional Rehab
In one of those stories that we're sure is being blown out of proportion but just can't help but pile onto anyway, it appears that people within the Houston Rockets — who apparently, in the midst of a 16-game winning streak, need something to worry about — are concerned that Yao Ming's rehabilitatio...
LeBron Scores 50, While "LeBron" Gets Escorted Out Of MSG
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has no idea what to say about himself today. When he's not blanking out on his own life for Deadspin, he can be found brainfarting at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • New York hearts LeBron. King James gave the Knicks a three-fisted knuckle sandwich of 50 points,...
A Few Lingering Troubles With The Association
Every two weeks, the gents at Free Darko will be taking a look at the deranged ecosystem that is the National Basketball Association in their own indelible fashion. Here's this week's entry, from Bethlehem Shoals....
This Is What It Sounds Like When A Franchise Dies
We missed Bill Simmons' impassioned work for Sonics fans while we were on vacation, but it's really pretty excellent stuff, and exactly what a national sports columnist should be doing with his platform. Not that anyone will notice, or do anything, or care....
Hasn't Benny The Bull Suffered Enough?
If you can't see the video for some reason, what we have here is Benny the Bull on The Jerry Springer Show, being told by his girlfriend that there's "someone else." That someone is a larger, plastic Benny the Bull, and of course violence ensues. But there are so many ways that it could have been fu...
Strangely, Lawyer's Attempts To Shush "Fire George Karl" Haven't Worked
Yesterday, we told you about the sad "oooh, I'm a lawyer, I'll SUE YOU" email George Karl's lawyer sent to the man who runs FireGeorgeKarl.com. As you might have suspected, the story did not end there; now, the world knows ... including Karl himself and a whole bunch of lawyers who might have advant...
Ron Artest Says "Raaargh," But Lakers Win Anyway
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who never thought he'd live to see the day when Joel Przybilla could push around Shaquille O'Neal. When he's not having his most cherished basketball memories irrevocably altered by The Big Eraser, he can be found dancing the funky chicken at Basketbawful. E...