Locker Page 814 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
27 Pumpkin Beers, Ranked
There are two kinds of people: those who embrace Pumpkin-Spice-Everything Season for the miracle that it is, and the godless, gourdless heathens who reject it and live a bland, spiceless life. I fall into the former category, which means it's time to combine two of my favorite activities: drinking p...
Grizzly Bear Steals One Of Those Cameras You Strap To Your Head
Some guy put one of those dumb cameras that people are always strapping to their heads on a bridge in an effort to scope out some bears. Some bears did indeed get scoped, but one of them got the last laugh when he snatched the little camera and took off with it....
Texas Should Declare Independence And Make This Their National Beer
Yesterday, one of my idiot friends told me that certain South Floridians have expressed interest in seceding from the rest of the state. Roughly 11 seconds of exhaustive Googling just now failed to turn up much evidence, but let's say it's true. Makes sense. The government's way up north, and appa...
2015 Oscar Watch: Yes, It's Time To Start Arguing About This Already
As of this second, we are 122 days away from the 2015 Academy Awards, hosted by Neil Patrick Harris as Billy Crystal growls angrily in the corner and everyone tries real hard not to make a Renee Zellweger joke. That's a ludicrously long time from now, but there won't be a single moment between now...
Wait Until After Breakfast To Look At This
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TV Anchor Warns New Yorkers To Not Eat Maybe Ebola-Infected Poop
Bad news, y'all: Ebola is in New York. You may think you're screwed. You may think this is the only logical conclusion to Obama's America. You may even be right. Luckily, NY1's Errol Louis knows how to fight this plague: If you're prone to putting random feces in your mouth, don't do that for a wh...
Back Injury Forces Steve Nash Out For Entire 2014–15 Season
The bad back that has plagued Steve Nash his entire career has knocked him out for the entire season before it even begins, the Lakers announced Thursday night. Nash suffered the latest re-aggravation—I shit you not—while carrying some luggage....
Deadspin Up All Night: I'll Suffocate If She Tries
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Stay humble; stay blessed....
Watch These Non-Ohioans Try To Eat Gross-Ass Cincinnati Chili
Here's twelve non-Ohioans (West-Coasters, specifically) trying to choke down some signature Ohio foods. There's a pretty broad selection of foods, here—Glier's goetta and so forth—but the centerpiece is the Skyline 3-way; they start eating it around 2:10 in the video. Spoiler alert: They think i...
What This Woman Did For An Aging Basketball Player Will Warm Your Heart
Illuminada Magtoto, a 90-year-old Miami resident, recently gave back to her community by agreeing to play in a one-on-one game with Dwyane Wade, an inspiring local man who refuses to let his old age and withered body stand in the way of his dream of playing in the NBA....
Your Local Team’s Fanbase Should Be Dying. Why Isn’t It?
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
The Hater’s Guide To Your Local Halloween Store
Every year, when October rolls around, some enterprising fellow in my area rents out an abandoned Dollar Tree and turns it into a pop-up Halloween Megastore, resplendent with costumes and decorations and fitting rooms that almost certainly now house the Ebola virus. Almost everything in these sto...
Which NBA Coach Was Caught Masturbating In College?
Earlier this week, I solicited entries for our upcoming GREAT MOMENTS IN BEING CAUGHT JERKING OFF. And there were many fine submissions, but one anonymous reader sent in this blind item—totally unverified but amusing nonetheless—that deserves to stand on its own. Take it away, sir… ...
What In The Damn Hell, Paula Deen
Above, via Eater, is a recent advertisement for Paula Deen's Lady & Sons restaurant. It features a black employee of Deen's restaurant, whose job, in our estimation, is to pretend to be a slave. This is her job because Paula Deen wants to sell food to people who will take pleasure from playacting ...
Chris Douglas-Roberts Is Bringing Short Shorts Back To The NBA
Chris Douglas-Roberts signed a one-year deal with the Clippers, and is taking advantage of the opportunity to inflict untold horrors on the basketball-loving public. Douglas-Roberts asked for medium-sized shorts. Functionally, those are short shorts....
Great Divide Oatmeal Yeti Is A Neat, Sweet Beast Indeed
Big, boozy stouts tend to be expensive, and a lot of drinkers regard them as seasonal treats, so they're not among the most popular beers from a straight sales perspective. But if you brew a stout with an alcohol-by-volume percentage over eight and give it a price tag north of $7 per 22-ounce bott...
My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves
One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or...
Jet Li, Ass-Kicking Jerk: The Amazing Absurdity Of <em>Fearless</em>
There are early scenes in the 2006 martial-arts epic Fearless that require Jet Li to play an asshole. These are some pretty funny scenes. Assholism isn't, generally speaking, his thing—pained nobility is his thing. He is a legitimately world-renown ass-kicker, of course: Before he made a single mo...
Old Clippers Fan Mauls Young Clippers Fan In Brawl During Game
Button-up man took on T-shirt man at Wednesday night's Suns-Clippers game to determine whose style of shirt was superior. Or, maybe they were fighting for a dumber reason. Who knows....
Hunter Pence: Awake
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