Maniac Football Coach Teams With Maniac Basketball Player To Deliver Watered-Down Gordon Gekko Speech To Impressionable Young Browns

This is just an unbelievably cursed combination of proper nouns: Browns head coach Gregg Williams used help from retired coin-operated fortune- Phil Jackson to arrange for dead Kobe Bryant to deliver a motivational talk to his young team ahead of their week 15 game this past weekend.

You should not be surprised to learn that a significant part of Kobe’s message boiled down to Greed Is Good ( per ESPN):

“He always said that he felt it was selfish when guys wouldn’t shoot the open shot because of fear of what everyone else would think about them,” Peppers said. “He was like, ‘Me, I’m going to shoot the open shot every time. I don’t care.’” Peppers said the message hit home.

“What I took away from that is that you can’t be scared about what everyone else is going to think about you; be you, play the best way you can play and good things are going to happen,” Peppers said.

Apart from the transparently revisionist inclusion of the word “open” to describe any shot-selection conflicts Kobe experienced over the course of his basketball career, it’s tremendously on-brand for Kobe to position a lack of personal confidence as selfishness, so that by implication his unrepentant chucking must in fact have been a form of generosity. Gross.