Thank god Mark Zuckerberg took up jiu-jitsu. Now delusional incels can take a break from saying they can beat WNBA players in one-on-one and pivot to saying they can beat up MMA-trained tech bros. The Facebook founder and overlord of the Metaverse took home gold and silver in his first Jiu-Jitsu tournament, which I’m sure was populated by worthy adversaries, and not a bunch of children a la the Dwight Schrute dojo.
Zuck said he became passionate about the sport because it’s “primal.” Right… He could’ve just been honest and admitted he needed an avenue to work through some childhood torment. Put me in a ring with a bunch of tweenage orange belts tomorrow, and I’ll flail enough extremities around to earn a bronze.
Sorry, I apologize. Apparently, it was not a fluke as the humanoid prototype has been toiling away on the mats.
“Getting to see Zuck compete was pretty epic,” said Zuckerberg’s trainer Kai Wu. “No match was easy and everything was earned. It was an honor to be able to help coach and offer any advice I could.”
Yeah, I bet it’s pretty epic watching a guy stick a thumb drive in his temple and learn Kung-Fu in 30 seconds, and I’m sure it’s not triggering at all for the employees Zuck strapped into the Metaverse to learn that the all-knowing CEO is coachable and listens to advice.
I’m just hoping there are enough Yes Men in Mark’s circle to convince him to get in the octagon with Jon Jones, but I’ll settle for five rounds with one of the Paul brothers.