Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

What in the hell. What in the god damn hell.

That's Stony Brook University professor George W. Hart up there, evidently on a mission to make lots and lots of parents feel even worse about the tuition costs of college. Look at what he does to that goddamn bagel. Look at the end result of that goddamn bagel preparation:

Illustration for article titled Mathematician Uses Bagel To Prove That Hes Kind Of A Dingus

He calls that dumbass Möbius strip wreck of a foodstuff "Mathematically Correct Breakfast," because apparently he lives in a lunatic parallel dimension in which "(More time-consuming) + (harder to toast) + (harder to eat) + (more surface-area to cover with cream cheese, as though that matters, as though you couldn't just heap the cream cheese more thickly onto a regular friggin' bagel rather than waste all this goddamn time and effort that could be spent just goddamn eating a bagel and getting on with your life, your one life, there it goes sliding through your hands into nothingness while you fiddle with a fucking infinity-shaped bagel preparation) = better."

Don't cut your bagel into Möbius strips. Don't go to Stony Brook University.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter