Michael Jordan Likes A Little More Lebensraum In His Hanes

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• Dwight Howard gets just 13 on 3-of-10 shooting against the Celtics. As with another superstar before him, Howard's struggles against Boston have everything to do with profound character flaws and a lack of killer instinct and various other alpha-male traits and nothing whatsoever to do with Tom Thibodeau's defense.

• Blackhawks win, and Joe Thornton, who was a choker until he wasn't a choker, manages just one shot on goal and is back to being a choker. Flyers rout the Habs, and their fans rain withering irony on their Montreal counterparts.

• Hank Haney, Tiger Woods's former swing coach, talks about Tiger's sex addiction: "It's an ongoing day-to-day battle [to not have lots and lots of wanton sex], but so far I think he's doing a really good job [at not having lots and lots of wanton sex]. He's making progress [at not having lots and lots of wanton sex]."

• Michael Ballack will miss the World Cup with an ankle injury, leaving the Germans without an experienced scapegoat.

• "Anytime you tangle with that big of a gator, you are very lucky to come out alive."

• Drew Rosenhaus is still breaking bricks (I recommend you lower your volume before watching):

Herr Jordan's stache via reader Ryan

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Good morning. It's Monday.