It’s possible to believe a lot of whacky stories about Trevor Bauer, who is both a big old dummy and also a too-online crank who once wanted to use a soldering iron to cauterize a finger wound. A report that Bauer wants to use alternative methods to treat the stress fracture in his right fibula would surprise exactly no one. A report that he’s attributing the injury to “CIA nanites” should at least raise a few red flags?

And yet here it is, being presented with excruciating seriousness on MLB Network:

It’s a very funny idea, and honestly we are probably only a few news cycles and/or Twitter shadow bannings away from Bauer having himself scanned for CIA nanotechnology, but maybe someone should’ve checked with him before reporting this on television!

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If ESPN presented this, as Bauer suggests, with anything like the credulousness of MLB Network, probably it is because of a government conspiracy having to do with chemtrails and pizza parlors.