Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Naked Burger Thieves On The Lam In Florida Beach Town

Illustration for article titled Naked Burger Thieves On The Lam In Florida Beach Town

Listen. Sometimes it's 3:06 in the morning, you and a couple of your buddies are wandering around a beach town in various states of undress, and suddenly you have need of 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers, and, uh, a paddleboard. Immediately! And the grocery stores are closed! What is a reasonable person to do in these circumstances?


This is the ethical quandary facing authorities in Bonita Beach, Florida, where a security camera recorded two naked dudes and their underwear-clad buddy stealing a bunch of burgers from Doc's Beach House restaurant in the wee hours of this past Sunday morning. What were they supposed to do? They needed those burgers!


(Apparently not the peppers, though. They left a trail of those on the beach, during their escape. Since there were only three peppers, though, the trail wasn't long enough to lead all the way to the headquarters of their stolen-burger-fencing operation inside a volcano.)

Picture the burger-thieves showing up to Doris The Receptionist's going-away potluck luncheon at work later that day, sleep-deprived and haggard, with huge armloads of thawing restaurant burgers. "Brought these burgers, you guys."

And everybody just kind of staring at them. "You were supposed to bring deviled eggs. Also you are naked."

Bet that was an awkward moment.


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