Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Nate Kaeding Suicide Joke Watch

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to commit suicide last night, but was unsuccessful because he's terrible at kicking footballs? Yes, San Diego's kicker is not a beloved man right now....unless you love terrible internet jokes. Then he's a godsend!

Here are some of the more popular renditions of the theme that you can probably find repeated ad nauseum on Twitter:

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to hang himself last night? He got the noose around his neck, but he couldn't kick the chair.


Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to shoot himself last night? The bullet was wide right.

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills last night? He choked on the first three.


Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to throw himself into a volcano yesterday? He was going to take a flight to Hawaii, but he missed it.

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to slit his wrists with piano wire? He couldn't get his hands inside the upright.


Of course, death LOLs were not the only chuckles to be had at poor Nate's expense. You could try the Facebook page where his supporters furiously try to defend their hero. Or one of the ones where they don't. You could search for veiled threats toward him. Or not so veiled.


The defacement of his Wikipedia page has been fixed, but there's still the accusations of game fixing, comparisons to legendary choke artists of the past, Ray Finkle jokes, fart jokes (?), even insults (I think) in Spanish. Chiefs fans are naturally delighted, Raider fans are actually trying to take credit and everyone else is suddenly writing Jay Leno's next monologue. Don't worry—even if you spell his name wrong the hate can still be found.

I'll let Sad Charger Fan Nick, who sent the picture at the top, have the last word:

Got a few pics for you that sums up Chargers' fans feelings in the wake of the Jets game. My girlfriend had to stop me from setting the jersey on fire. Fuck.


He couldn't even follow through? Just like Nate Kaeding! Hey, I heard Nate Kaeding tried to set a jersey on fire once, but burned down the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory instead! Ka-POW!

Kaeding is kicking himself [San Diego Union-Tribune]

Share This Story