Nation Stunned By Brazen Kidnapping Of Keggy The Dartmouth Keg

Order has only begun to be be restored to the peaceful tree-lined streets of Hanover, New Hampshire today after the shocking kidnapping ordeal suffered by Keggy, the popular Dartmouth College beer keg. The quasi-official school mascot was ruthlessly abducted and held for ransom over the weekend, and then rescued by campus police today. From the Dartmouth Jack-o-Lantern:

Keggy was held hostage for several days, suffering one torn off eye and and a badly damaged nose. After a ransom note was sent to Keggy's Jacko creators, Hanover Police began a town-wide manhunt for Keggy's captors. He was eventually rescued (albeit suffering significant injuries), and after extensive physical therapy, he returned to his normal activities of cheering on Dartmouth sports teams.

Mental health professionals were on the Dartmouth campus today helping students deal with the trauma. On Wednesday, Ivy Gate blog reported on the crime:

For the uninitiated, Keggy the Keg is the unofficial mascot of Dartmouth, which is offically mascot-less. He rose to prominence in 2003, during the Student Assembly’s mascot search project, which was aborted after a poll showed that most students disliked the idea (who wouldn’t) of having a moose parading about during athletic events.

I'm quite sure this was a real kidnapping, as Keggy is one of the very few mascots who would actually be worth ransoming. Along with Blowie and Henry the Puffy Taco, they are the three greatest mascots in history, in my opinion. Keggy is a national treasure, and I'm glad he's back safe. And now, please celebrate Keggy's return by enjoying a glass from a less animated keg of your own. Keggy The Keg [Dartmouth Jack-o-Lantern]