Early Saturday morning in Portland, Ndamukong Suh lost control of his car (pictured), hitting a tree, a lightpole and a water fountain. Suh was presumably spending his two week Goodell-imposed vacation at home with his family. Or cruising around Portland's "night club district" in his muscle car at 1:15 a.m. As any sports fan over the age of 60 can tell you, nothing good happens that late at night. Well you, my friends, have not met Sgt. Peter Simpson of the Portland Police Bureau.

"He wasn't drunk and wasn't driving crazy or anything. He wasn't a jerk," said Sgt. Peter Simpson of the Portland Police Bureau. "I think he stomped on the gas when he was going around a taxi and lost the back end, spun around and hit a tree and a light pole and a (drinking) fountain. No injuries to anybody and he didn't hit any other cars."

Well played, officer Simpson.

Photo via KATU
Police say Detroit Lions' Ndamukong Suh not impaired when he crashed car in Portland [Freep]