Ne-Yo Sings Sweetly About Convincing His Girl To Have A Threesome

R&B has a long and rich history of a man sweet-talking his girl into some kinda nasty act she's not all that inclined to agree to. N.E.R.D. proposed the idea of making a sex tape with 2002's " Tape You." R. Kelly proposed pretty much every sex act ever invented in every song he's ever written. And now, Ne-Yo joins the tradition with a song off his new album, Non-Fiction. It's called " Story Time," and it tells the beautiful tale of how he got his girl to have a threesome. Cue the harps!

If you're a woman, you've likely heard some version of this argument at some point in your life. If you are an R&B fan, you've also heard it in some form or fashion, because this song is representative of a large swath of the genre. Some of it is very bad. Ne-Yo is not bad. Corny, maybe, but bad, no.

So when he invites you to gather 'round (he seriously says "gather 'round"), you pull up a spot on the carpet, cross your legs, and put on your listening hat:

I said, "I wish you'd just give it a try""You've never done it, how you know what you don't like?"She said, "Am I not enough for you, is that why?"I said, "No, I just think it would be sexy and kinda fly"She said, "Well, I don't"I said, "Well, if I let you pick the girl, would that make a difference?"She said, "That don't matter, 'cause I just don't think I'm cool with a threesome"

It gets better—you can hear his girl brushing him off in the interlude:

"Whaaaaaaat? Come on. Man, you trippin'"

Soon, we learn that Ne-Yo wants a very gender-specific kinda threesome:

She said, "What if I said I want to bring in another guy?" WHAT?I just gave her a look, like, "You done lost your damn mind"She said, "Oh, okay, so another girl is fine""But when I mention another dude, you're looking like you wanna punch me in the eye"I said, "Don't tempt me"She said, "You know that ain't fair"I said, "I'm just playin'"But for real, don't no dudes allowedOnly you, me, and she in this threesome

But for real, don't no dudes allowed. Ne-Yo is singing to you as someone who has been there. And somewhere in this conversational back and forth, he convinces her, kind of, but not quite:

She said, "Hold up, when did I agree to this threesome"I said, "Just now, and you can't take it back, let's have a threesome"She said, "Well, I did think about my girl Stephanie before in a threesome"I said, "I got her number, I'll call her right now for this threesome"

Well, now Ne-Yo's in deep shit for having Stephanie's number in the first place. Unclear if he got what he wanted. If this song sounds too real, it's because R&B's beautiful instrumentals afford artists the ability to be utterly brazen in the lyrics. Also, sometimes art imitates life.