There’s been quite a kerfluffle in Minnesota over this second-best Bichon of 2011 and 2012, Beau Lemon. The dog’s owner, John Wangsness, sued breeder Vickie Halstead, claiming that instead of having the decorated dog bred, she had the dog neutered.

Oddly, the fact that this beast is the victim of a criminal perm, abuse of styling product and just plain stupid haircut was not mentioned in the lawsuit.

While the humans are busy bitching (ha) about rights to semen, let’s look at this from Beau Lemon’s (or, as he’s known by his friends, BeauNalot) perspective. So he gets pruned—so what? This in no way impairs his ability to hump a leg, nor his enjoyment of same.

But he steps out at the dog park, or rather stands stiffly in one place because the extra hold Taxidermist’s Friend pomade does not accommodate mobility, and—whoa Nelly—some Staffie is going to play fetch with that noggin. Taunting? You’ve never seen the like. Man, that stuff’s scarring. If we’re talking about impediments to carrying on the Lemon name, that ‘do is doing a bang-up job.

It may be too late to reinstate Beau’s balls, but his social life need not be castrated. In fact, now that he’s not much use on the stud farm, a non-ridiculous coif is going to be more important than ever in maintaining Beau’s relevance. Difficult, yes, but a skilled stylist could unbutton his eyes, free his hocks and open up a whole new life for this bitch magnet.


photo credit: Holloway/Victoire’s Bichons