In general, football head coaches are pretty much the dullest, weirdest, most wooden-brained group of men on earth, just a bunch of sweaty cosplaying doofuses blindly guessing at how to do their ridiculous job and what it even means to be good at that job, which probably isn’t really one job at all but rather several different completely incompatible jobs all crammed haphazardly together, none of which are in any way suited to the variety of grasping, performatively pre-human tinpot Patton the football culture routinely insists is the only type of man qualified to hold any of them.
College coaches in particular have no real place in the world. The players at most programs are not capable of carrying out tactical schemes much more complex than “Uh run down the field and smash that guy” or “Uh run down the field and don’t get smashed by that guy,”; the job is recruiting, with an entirely ornamental game-day component tacked-on for purely optical purposes. So just about the only visible in-season thing a college coach can do to justify having his job is dumb theatrical motivational shit like holding his hand over a burning candle to demonstrate the value of mental toughness or whatever, which in reality appeals far more to clueless boosters and alumni than it ever could to the baffled teens wondering why Grandpa Hardass over here is barbecuing the palm of his hand in the middle of the locker room.
Anyway, here is University of Nevada, Reno head coach Jay Norvell’s idea of how to inspire his football players to embrace hard work:
A shirt. His idea is a shirt. I was gonna drag my feet through the Arizona Bowl but then coach showed up to practice dressed like he was gonna do an oil change and now I’m fuckin’ pumped to sprint downfield in kickoff coverage for free.
Football coaches are hilarious damn morons and I love them.