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So, this happened last night. And as with any no-hitter, Jonathan Sanchez's had its share of weird. Consider:

-He had never thrown a complete game in his career.
-Banished to the bullpen last month, he only started because Randy Johnson is old.
-His father Sirgfredo was in the stands to watch him pitch for the very first time.


Of course, no one feels worse than Juan Uribe, who booted a ball with five outs left for the only baserunner of the game, and was promptly shanked in the locker room. Regardless, here's the historic line that shows just how filthy Sanchez was.

And if you think Sanchez was excited, take a look at the breathless updates and loss of command of the English language toward the end of the game notes. By the end, the scorekeeper is just smashing the keyboard with his engorged member.

Good Saturday. It's a beautiful July morning, so let's all stay inside and talk sports (except for a quick run to 7-Eleven to get your free Slurpee today, of course). Now, out of the dark and into the light.


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