Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

North Korean Beatdown Broadcast Live To Confused Homeland

Illustration for article titled North Korean Beatdown Broadcast Live To Confused Homeland

Emboldened by their soccer team's "triumph" over Brazil, North Korean state television actually allowed yesterday's "revenge" match against Portugal to be broadcast live to its citizens, many of whom may currently be wondering: "Is seven a lot of goals?"


Despite being eliminated (with one match to go) in a legendary drubbing, the North Koreans continue to be the most fascinating squad in the tournament. Their real fans are probablyactually fake and their fake players are way too real. When four players got scratched from their first game, everyone naturally assumed that they defected. (Then when they showed up for practice the next day, they had one man too many.) Now when their ultra-secretive government decides that for the first time in history they will let fans back home see what their team can do live, well ... they can do better than that. Perhaps Kim Jong-Il's invisible cell phone to coach Kim Jong-Hun didn't have enough bars in Cape Town


Fortunately, TVs are not that common in the Hermit Kingdom and the houses that do have them probably didn't have their electricity turned on anyway. (Ain't no party like a North Korean soccer watching party!) But give some credit to the Dear Leader for showing the whole game before abruptly ending on this note:

The Portuguese won the game and now have four points. We are ending our live broadcast now," a Korean Central Broadcasting commentator said, quickly cutting to footage of factory workers and engineers praising North Korean leader Kim Jong Il.

I guess 1966 shall remain unavenged. However, the next time North Korea sees a Portuguese battleship they are totally gonna sink it.

North Koreans watch live as Portugal crushes team 7-0 [Story and photo via AP]

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