Photo: Patrick McDermott (Getty)

D.C. United sent their keeper up for a corner kick with a minute left in stoppage time of a tied game. It backfired, spectacularly. Then it didn’t, spectacularly, and it was all thanks to good ol’ Wayne Rooney.

Mired in a 2-2 tie against Orlando City, and with a man advantage, United manager Ben Olson called his keeper forward—with no playoff hopes in sight, why not go all out for the win? The ball bounced around harmlessly, then was promptly cleared toward midfield, where a counterattacking Orlando player corralled it, his eyes set on the empty net.

That’s when Rooney, or the “The Fat Boy,” as Jose Mourinho once called him, came to the rescue:

It’s been an eventful MLS spell so far for the old man, who has a goal, three assists, a bloody-ass face, five stitches, and a pristine addition to his career highlight reel through just his first six appearances in American soccer. Evidently, it’s been worth every bit of the £12 million it took D.C. in order to bring the Manchester United legend across the pond for his retirement tour.