Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

By trading Jarrett Jack in order to clear cap space today, the Cavs made it clear they're all-in on trying to get LeBron James. It's also being reported that if they miss out on James, their Plan B involves trying to sign Chandler Parsons or Trevor Ariza. Those are pretty sad plans! Here are some alternative Plan B's we think they should consider.

  • See a movie
  • Take that tech writing job
  • Finally fix that leaky sink
  • Move in with dad
  • Hang out in the flats
  • Join the army
  • Move to Cincinnati
  • Re-hire Mike Brown
  • Trade for J.J. Hickson
  • Go backpacking in Europe
  • Trade for Shaq
  • Affix a cardboard LeBron to a skateboard and just push it around the court every night
  • Go to cooking school
  • Get a puppy
  • Go to Arizona State
  • Order from Pizza Hut
  • Just, take some time off, you know? Work on myself.
  • Finally settle down with that guy. He doesn't need to be a model or anything, you know?
  • Get really into hemp. It's pretty versatile.
  • Master Kinja
  • The novel. Gotta finish that novel. The story is still a work in progress, but I have really strong characters. Maybe it's more of a short story. I'm going to talk to my old professor about what he thinks about a suite of short stories.
  • Staycation
  • Well, I saw Gawker is hiring
  • Just move to California. See what happens.
  • Always wanted to try surfing. Really get in touch with the ocean, you know?
  • Binge watch Orange is the New Black. Both seasons.
  • Tour with Phish
  • Join a gym
  • Take the LSAT
  • Sign up for OK Cupid

Godspeed, Cleveland.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter