Paris Hilton Gets Out Of Jail, This Guy Goes In ... It's The Circle Of Liiiffe ...

We knew that once you begin letting fans vote on the All-Star roster, it's only a matter of time before some of them begin leaping onto the field to make pitching changes. This "numbskull," as the Chicago Sun-Times described him, was just a few feet from reaching Cubs pitcher Bob Howry in the ninth inning of Chicago's 10-9 victory over the Rockies. But alert security personnel stopped and subdued him before he reached the mound. One has to admire the initial flying tackle here by security guard Anton Migursky — who knew that security guards wore batting helmets? — as we make a mental note never to venture onto the field at Wrigley for any reason, even if the place is on fire. Also, Doofus appears to be attempting to signal a timeout, to no avail. The pool is now open for what number Cubs jersey he's wearing. We suspect it's No. 28. It's our opinion that there hasn't been such a blatant disregard for society's values since Ernest T. Bass terrorized downtown Mayberry with a handful of rocks. (You can find video right here.)

• More On The Cubs-Rockies. Howry had just given up a three-run homer to Troy Tulowitzki in the top of the ninth, when the Rockies scored six to come back from a five-run deficit to lead, 9-8. That was enough for the fan, who jumped off of the Rockies dugout and made for the mound. The best part was that the fan was yelling "What are you doing?" to Howry. Chicago won it in the bottom of the ninth on Alfonso Soriano's two-run single.

• Ten For A Penny. Brad Penny is so good that he makes Grady Little look smart. Little gave Penny an extra day of rest so that he could face the Diamondbacks in the opener of their four-game series, and hey, it worked. Penny got his 10th win as the Dodgers prevailed 8-1. Of course, Los Angeles had lost to Tampa Bay 9-4 on Sunday, when Penny (10-1, 2.04 ERA) was supposed to pitch. So there's that.

• John Thomson And Buddy Bell, Together Again. John Thomson, signed last week by the Royals, used to play for Buddy Bell in Colorado. Bell, now managing Kansas City, used Thomson to outpitch John Lackey as the Royals beat the Angels 5-3. Another example of the great circle of life.

• Big Ben Tolls For Thee. We haven't looked in on the Brewers for awhile, so let's take a peek. Ben Sheets won his fifth consecutive decision as Milwaukee beat Houston 6-1. Prince Fielder hit his NL-leading 27th home run, and needs one more to equal his total for all of last season.