Phil Mickelson And Joe Montana Swear They Did Not Partake In Any College Scamming When They Hired The College Scam Company

The FBI recently busted a bunch of rich assholes who were trying to get their unsuspecting children into college the only way they knew how: by throwing money at the largely superficial roadblock life had put in front of them until it went away. At the center of this operation was an organization known as The Key, a kind of middleman operation whose services included taking standardized tests in place of these chuds’ dumb kids and photoshopping pictures of them playing water polo, just so their clients’ applications would stand out among the poors.

But not everyone who worked with the organization has been accused of committing these crimes wealthy people are known to commit. There were other rich assholes who just wanted to give money to some shady organization—one that claimed to be created to help “ underprivileged students”—and fully outsource the work of helping their kids figure out how to get into college. Two of those assholes were Joe Montana and Phil Mickelson, who tweeted out on Thursday that though they hired the college scam company, they did not do any of the alleged scamming of colleges.

So there you have it: the massively privileged children of these celebrated and fabulously wealthy professional athletes derived no unfair advantages from their parents hiring a consulting firm to fill out their fucking college applications.