Do you remember a couple of years ago when Dick Cheney shot that guy and the basic facts of story were so utterly ridiculous that all you had to do was say "The Vice President of the United States shot a man in the face" and that counted as both a joke and a serious analysis of the situation? That's kind of what this Plaxico Burress story is like. What else is there say? (There's plenty, actually, if you really want to read it.)


I think my favorite part of the story is that there are clubs in NYC where you can walk in carrying a gun and they won't throw you out or call the cops—they just politely ask you to step to the side and unload it. Then when you accidentally shoot yourself in the thigh, they unload it for you, then give you the gun back, no questions asked. (That part is very alleged, but I choose to believe that it's true.)


Actually, scratch that, because I just read my new favorite part. The New York Post says that when Burress finally went to the hospital, he gave the fake name "Harris Smith" and told doctors he'd been shot at an Applebee's. Getting shot an Applebee's was the lie he made up to cover his crime. Somehow after 90 minutes of deliberation that seemed like a plausible alibi. This tale will be the gift that keeps on giving.

Anyway, Burress walked into an NYPD precinct in midtown Manhattan this morning—without a limp—to turn himself in and plead not guilty to whatever they charge you with when you shoot yourself in the leg at a nightclub. And he still has a very uncomfortable meeting with Roger Goodell to look forward to. Seriously ... Applebee's?



. . . . .

Here's what the blogs have come up with so far:

• Sounds more like Mr. Furley to us: "Maybe he should take a page out of the Barney Fife handbook. Maybe from now on he should keep his bullet in his shirt pocket." [Josh Q. Public]


• Because he can?: "Top Ten Reason Why Burress Shot Himself." Boredom doesn't count. [Gunaxin]

• Only ten?: Sadly, this is just a metaphor and not 10 athletes who have actually shot themselves in the foot. [InGameNow]


• Who are the ad wizards?: We're pretty sure the NFL does not sell team-branded guns on Yet. [Bob's Blitz]

Photo via Bleacher Report