Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled Poor Amanda Shit Her Pants While Passed Out In the Backseat

For many of you, the day after Thanksgiving requires you to put on your best Gap sport coat, head out to the local beef-and-beer drink your way through a high school reunion. Sometimes, the outcomes are disastrous. Heed these warnings.

This is more of just a get together at the bar with everyone you graduated with story and not an official reunion, but basically every Wednesday-Saturday over Thanksgiving break in my town with 18,000 people is a high school reunion.

My first semester of college, I returned to my parents' home for Thanksgiving weekend. On Thursday night, some high school friends and I decided to go out and get drunk. We had several drinks and by the time we got to the first party one of the girls in our group could barely function. We'll call her Amanda. Some guys that graduated a few years before us gave us a ride from the party to a local bar. We drank the whole way to the bar and once we got there Amanda was almost completely unresponsive, so we left her in the guys' car while we went in and had several more drinks. After being at the bar for about an hour, we decided we'd be good friends and check on Amanda who was still passed out in the car. When we got out there, my friend opened the door and started coughing saying "I think she farted." Unfortunately, for Amanda, she did not fart. She had shit her pants in this guy's car. It was one of the most rancid things I've ever smelled. We continued to drink while opening the doors to try and air out the car but obviously to no avail as the pants that had been shat in were the source of the putrid smell. There was not much we could do for Amanda considering that driving her home was not an option as neither of us had a car nearby and both of us were nearing black out, so the boys had to give her a ride home. I imagine this is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to her. 18 year old girls don't have the greatest self esteem, but throw in getting pants shitting drunk and having some older guys who were deemed popular for some reason in high school driving you home to your parents on Thanksgiving can't help matters much.

I ended up getting a ride home in a different car and I arrived home the same time my dad and sister did from a hockey tournament. I proceeded to shut the garage door on my dad before he could pull his car into the garage and began projectile vomiting onto my bed and the floor which is located right next to my parents' room. All I really remember at that point is my mom angrily scrubbing the blue puke off of the floor at about 3 am, screaming at me, while I laid in my bed half dead. The next morning was awkward to say the least — Sara


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