Rex Ryan Trades Geno For EJ

As reported by Adam Schefter and re-double-super-confirmed by the rest of Twitter's NFL beat, former Jets coach and Tarantino foot shot enthusiast Rex Ryan is expected to take the Bills head coaching job today. He'll be coaching a perpetually downtrodden AFC East team with a good defense and a hopeless project quarterback that he will quickly give up on. He'll also get beaten by New England twice annually. REAL CHANGE OF SCENERY FOR HIM.

Ryan's hiring comes after the Jets were expected to hire former Bills head coach and contract negotiation wizard Doug Marrone, and then soured on him after anonymous reports from every last person on Earth described him as a self-serving, micro-managing shitbag (you can say many things about Rex, but no one will ever accuse him of micromanaging... I'm not sure he does any kind of managing at all). The Jets and Bills damn near traded head coaches, which would have been appropriate in so many ways. If only the Dolphins had fired Joe Philbin. We could have made a daisy chain out of this.

Photo: AP