Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Reilly® tossed off this little item the other day about Hawaii's quarterback, Bryant Moniz, who moonlights as a pizza delivery guy. Bad jokes ensued ("Hawaii fans go pie-eyed ..."), amusing precisely no one. Least of all other pizza delivery guys.

Reilly writes (with additional reporting from a mysterious Philip Fisher):

Moniz, who is also raising a child, couldn't afford to give up the pizza job, so now he's going to school, starting at QB, and raising a family, all in 30 minutes or less. He's the pizza guy with everything on him.


Unfortunately, Moniz is 0-4 as a starter. And you just know that sometime Moniz will be standing there after being paid, his hand out, asking for a tip, when the lady will go, "Yeah, stop throwing off your back foot" and close the door.


To which the people over at's discussion board have responded with both snark and lolcats.

A user named "Serephim," quoting the "30 minutes or less" line, writes:

There is that knife in your backs again...

The moderator replies:

At least the article mentions we are tipped. It also says a pizza driver supports a family. I found the article more positive than negative. If our society would get rid of the "30 minutes or less" monkey around our necks implanted by Domino's who discontinued their policy 16 years ago, we'd have fewer headaches.

Meanwhile, "LoneStar" takes particular issue with the idea that Moniz might have "his hand out, asking for a tip," as Reilly writes. "LoneStar" apparently rejects the image of pizza-guy servility, and "LoneStar" is not pleased. "LoneStar" posts, in quick succession, a "wtf?" lolcat, a photo of Uncle Sam pointing and calling you (presumably Reilly) a "bag of douche," and a photo of a baby in an infantry helmet. J'accuse!

The wonder, at least for me, isn't that Reilly (and the mysterious Philip Fisher) managed to annoy readers with 200 phoned-in words on Reilly's blog. The wonder is that those 200 phoned-in words required the efforts of two journalists. To borrow from "LoneStar":


Freak Celebrity Sighting [ESPN]
Topic: Pizza Guy/D1 QB []

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