It's Christmas Eve in the City of Angels ... while decent citizens sleep the sleep of the righteous, hopheads prowl for marijuana, not knowing that a man is coming to stop them! Celebrity crimestopper Jack Vincennes, scourge of grasshoppers and dope fiends everywhere!

Stomach of the week: Unemployed actor had frankfurter, french fries, alcohol, and sperm. Hell of a last supper, don't you think?

If you don't realize that actually IS Lana Turner, you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

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