Sammy Sosa is not hoping to star in the White Chicks sequel. It is not some kind of alleged side affect from any alleged substances he allegedly may have put in his body. He just wants to be beautiful!

Because Chicago's baseball writers haven't had anything to write about for three months now, this has become the story in the Second City. The Tribune went to one of Sosa's friends, who gave a perfectly reasonable answer for why he Slammin' Sammy had an MJ look going the other day.

He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin," [Rebecca] Polihronis said. "Women have it all of the time. He was surprised he came out looking so white. I thought it was a body double. Part of (the photo appearance) is just the lighting.

"He is in the middle of doing a cleansing process to his skin. The picture is deceiving. He said, 'If you saw me in person, you would be surprised. When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture.'"

But this isn't just a case of Sosa forgetting to wash off the moisturizer before going out on the town. Discoloration and lightening is a common side effect of laser treatments he might be undergoing "after years and years (of playing baseball) in the sun."

So now that we have our answer, we can all go back to pretending Sosa never existed.

Sammy Sosa Says Skin Rejuvenation Process Reason His Skin Appears Lighter [Chicago Tribune]