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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Santonio Holmes: From Dong To Bong To Rabbit Slayer MVP

Illustration for article titled Santonio Holmes: From Dong To Bong To Rabbit Slayer MVP

Anyone who thinks that Michael Phelps' career is somehow over because of one little indiscretion, need look no further than the current hero of the moment, Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes.


Santonio doesn't smoke pot—he used to sell it. (Also, he probably smokes pot.) Everyone knows that pushing is way worse than using, but that's what you do to get by when you grow up in a poor, violent town in the middle of Florida. Also, you club rabbits in the head and sell them for $3 a pop. But don't tell PETA that or they'll want his head examined.

By the way, this is all stuff that he openly admitted to, just days before the Super Bowl. He was arrested in the middle of the current season. Then there was this unpleasantness. Let's face it—the guy has led a crazy life. Hell, he's had a crazy last six months. But no one really cares about any of that today. All they want to know about now is the extraneous toe on his right foot that allows him to stretch his body great distances without ever leaving the field. (Did everyone forget about this too? I don't think his legs even bend.)


So he's not going to be licking Oreo Double Stuffs with his long-lost brother or anything, but I think Americans—and the advertisers who love them—are nothing if not selectively forgetful. Take another look back at Santonio's greatest Deadspin hits....

* * * * * *

His 2006 arrest only hinted at greatness


The man parties with McLovin. 'Nuff said.


Introducing Steely McDong

A courteous and professional drug bust

He also occasionally plays football


Foreshadowing vs. the Ravens

Rabbits, Run

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