Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

SEE IT: Newport County keeper scores from Narnia, sets new record

Illustration for article titled SEE IT: Newport County keeper scores from Narnia, sets new record
Screenshot: SkySports

There’s few things hockey fans love more than a goalie goal. You might get one per season, and they’re met with joyous celebrations, as we’ve all just seen something rare and beautiful. Like the perfect breakfast sandwich where the egg yolk runoff is still contained within the sandwich (yes, I’m hungry, why do you ask?). Here’s a personal favorite, only because the goalie pulls out the Vince McMahon walk after.

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But there is an even rarer treasure in sports, one we dare not speak of by name usually. Not only is it abnormal, its very existence suggests a world where not only are the rules bendable, but might not even exist at all and are just a construct of the mind, eliminating time and logic as concepts (yes, we may already be there, but go with me).

I’m talking about the soccer goalie goal!

People speak of it in the same hushed tones as they do Radiohead albums where they actually picked up a guitar.

Well, not only do we have a new soccer goalkeeper goal to marvel at and study and try to deduce what it means for us all, but it’s a record for farthest out. Newport County’s Tom King, come on down and show people just what is possible! You are a real-life Neo!

That’s 105 yards out, or long enough for your phone to switch to roaming. Sure, it involves the opponent’s, Cheltenham, defense to commit the cardinal sin of letting a ball in the air bounce, or impersonating heating molecules at the very wrong time. Either way, the result is the same. It also involves Cheltenham’s keeper to forget how his legs worked, or that he had legs at all.

But any treasure or discovery involves the Hadron Collider-like confluence of events and coincidences. The stars must align just so for this kind of phenomenon. Only then and there does true miracle reside.

We can't be too careful. Two guys in an airport...talking? It's a little fishy.